Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
