I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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