god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
