I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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