can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
