dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
