...so i touched it.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
