Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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