I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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