11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
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i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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