Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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