Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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