CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
