I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
