i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
