omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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