Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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