theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
