Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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