so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Pants 0. Shit 1.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
