how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
