marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
