They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
