My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I'm really busy with my period
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