Apparently you make a good broom.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
