I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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