my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize