i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
