Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
