If that was your dad, he is hot
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
