oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
