You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
