Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
my liver is dry heaving
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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