I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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