like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
