I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
