Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
