I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
