I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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