Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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