Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
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Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
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My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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