Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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