I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
whose parrot is this?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So much Jack, so little girl.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
