You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i barfeds in our rink
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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