How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She told me I should be a condom model.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
