Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
This is my gift to your gina
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
