Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
