Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
