I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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