I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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