You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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