Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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