Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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