singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
