Pappa wants mamma naked
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
