The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Your penis caused this!
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