Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
