If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
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there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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