That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Dicks are not precious.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Damn victory sex feels great
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
