Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
