apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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