If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
a search helicopter?!
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
