How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
