Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
