why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
