Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
