ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
