i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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