Apparently you make a good broom.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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