i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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