dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
