There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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