just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Watching her eat just hurts me
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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